Spam emails aren't uncommon. An advert for viagra popping into our box (no pun intended) is a daily thing for most of us, and the good old spam box will usually suck them away (wow, again, no pun intended) and we don't have to deal with them. Yesterday however, I was greeted by this 'request':
Hi
My sincere regrets for this sudden request, things actually got out of control on my trip to Valencia, Spain. I came down here on Vacation, was mugged and all my belongings cash, cellphone and credit cards were all stolen at "gun point". It's such a traumatic experience for me. I need your help flying back home as I am trying to raise some money.
Am Cash Strapped at the moment. I've made contact with my bank but the best they can do is to mail me a new card which will take 2-4 working days to arrive here.
I need you to lend me some money to sort my self out of this predicament, will pay back once I get this over with.
Western Union Transfer is the fastest option to wire funds to me. Let me know if you need my details(Full names/location) to effect atransfer. You can reach me via email or the hotel's desk phone +34962463145
Thanks
Mark Beaumont
Right then. I admired Marks (yes, I felt his sincere email put us on first name terms) email and decided that what else was there to do but send an email back to my new friend...
Dear Mark,
Please, do not be sorry for this request, it is normal, expected even, for one to be mugged in a country that has the third lowest crime rate in Europe. I would also presume that the money you no doubt left in your hotel room as a safety precaution was also stolen, possibly by the same villain or even the maid of the hotel, known for their anti-tourist perspective in a country arguably fuelled by said industry. As for the flight situation, I will willingly aid your cause. I have been working on a flying machine of my own, similar to that of the original design by the Wright brothers, which I am willing to pilot over to Valencia and take you to wherever in the world you wish to visit, although if you wish to join me further, I will be traversing the globe in a time period of 80 days and would love a companion to join me. If this option is not favourable for you, I will loan you £1.27. I would love to loan you more but, as you may expect, a flying machine costs a lot to produce and have only this small amount of money left. If anything, I need some money loaned to me as I am struggling to get by with the money I do have. In fact, would you be able to loan me some? I cannot pay any of my bills this month and I'm getting ever more worried that I won't be able to feed my young daughter. If you can, please, reach me on the same email address you originally sent this to, and we will sort out a method of transfer.
Thank you, so much.
Yours faithfully
Jack Hart
I feel my email was the perfect tone to convey my message.
Over and out